that is one way of looking at it. It could have also been perceived as this person who left me does not have those capabilities to even discuss things with me.
What a coincidence of having dated two people with this possible issue.

It's even worse when you see them disengaging without explanation. And no matter what you do to try and rectify it just gets worse, and so you react, and then you are the villain. Vicious cycle.

And then to see them go on to a far worse existence with skanks. What does that say? That life is preferable to working things out? It's very hurtful, and I'm sorry you are having to deal with this.

I have no idea how we break the pattern. Become cold as ice? Hmm.

I think soo, that sometimes when we are with people, we miss subtle or not so subtle messages that tell us that things aren't really flowing with us. In hindsight I can see them and understand how it feels to be blindsided or feel like you are blindsided.

Maybe it is more about not just projecting what you want to happen onto the other person and more about seeing what is really there. Each time I felt shocked by a break up/abandonment when I look back at it, it was built up to.

But I agree some sort of conversation would be good. But ultimately people are chicken shit, they don't want to give that kind of bad news, they either can see how into them you are and don 't have the heart to hurt you directly, or they just don't give a crap about you. And them not giving a crap about you, has nothing to do with you.
I hope I said this correctly. Knowing you are going to hurt someone is never a great place to be.
And on another note: Once someone has made up their minds about leaving, there really isn't anything you can do about it, in fact trying too hard to turn it around might buy you time but probably won't change the end results. It is like a switch that just switches off and no matter how hurt you are you won't be able to get "that" back.

sigh