*sigh*
the guilt!!!
he is so nice, sweet, such a gentleman... and can be such a best friend...
and a sex freak too, i can tell...
BUT!!!
the way he looks just doesn't turn me on at all, it is just repulsive...
it is funny how, one "minor" thing can blow up one's chances.....
i know looks aren't supposed to matter, but....
what am i to say to him... i can't say "I'm not attracted to Frankenstein's"....
how do i deal with this...
a.) astrological babble - "dude, u gotta take care of your Chiron (wounds) in 1st house (appearance)"
b.) shop with him (ugh!!! would create a stronger bond with him, make me feel like an actual girlfriend, which is the last thing i want...)
etc...
i am heavily attracted to another man who is much older, but way less of a gentleman and a sweet heart than he...... but i prefer the latter's company and twisted love, even though he's not very handsome... hey actually the older guy did follow my advice, on what to wear, etc..... so i guess he passed... (but that's not all, of course.)
...
the guilt!!!
he is so nice, sweet, such a gentleman... and can be such a best friend...
and a sex freak too, i can tell...
BUT!!!
the way he looks just doesn't turn me on at all, it is just repulsive...
it is funny how, one "minor" thing can blow up one's chances.....
i know looks aren't supposed to matter, but....
what am i to say to him... i can't say "I'm not attracted to Frankenstein's"....
how do i deal with this...
a.) astrological babble - "dude, u gotta take care of your Chiron (wounds) in 1st house (appearance)"
b.) shop with him (ugh!!! would create a stronger bond with him, make me feel like an actual girlfriend, which is the last thing i want...)
etc...
i am heavily attracted to another man who is much older, but way less of a gentleman and a sweet heart than he...... but i prefer the latter's company and twisted love, even though he's not very handsome... hey actually the older guy did follow my advice, on what to wear, etc..... so i guess he passed... (but that's not all, of course.)
...
posted by:
|
-
Re: nice but unwanted suitors
Sat, June 28, 2008 - 5:58 PMwhere is your Chiron?
I would be honest and kind with them both.
-
Re: nice but unwanted suitors
Sat, June 28, 2008 - 6:56 PMEh, keep toying him along... It sounds like more fun! -
-
Re: nice but unwanted suitors
Sun, June 29, 2008 - 11:01 AMWhy don't you just explain to him that you're kind of shallow and that in the end he's only going to get hurt. I mean if as a great best friend your willing to publicly call him a "Frankenstein" who knows what you would call him in the throws of a lovers quarrel -
-
Re: nice but unwanted suitors
Sun, June 29, 2008 - 4:12 PMaaak!
my Chiron is in the 7th house of relationships!
lol
...
now he's not exactly my official best friend, but yeah... that's how i feel about his appearance...
...
toy with him? it seems unfair, but... ew.
...
he knows that i'm not shallow, that's why he likes me. -
-
Re: nice but unwanted suitors
Sun, June 29, 2008 - 4:58 PMNo he is into unavailable women and I think you enjoy stringing it for whatever its worth -
-
Re: nice but unwanted suitors
Sun, June 29, 2008 - 8:02 PMYah, seriously, why do you want to string him along and toy with him, if you're *not* shallow, and aren't really into him? Seems like you just enjoy the extra attention? And as already pointed out, if you're calling him "Frankenstein" behind his back, it's pretty obvious that he's not your best friend. (Or at least I'd hope that's not the case.) -
-
Re: nice but unwanted suitors
Sun, June 29, 2008 - 9:02 PMwait my best boyfriend calls me girlzilla all the time behind my back. He doesn't think I know it, but I know it. IT'S NOT MY FAULT I HAVE BOLTS GROWING OUT OF MY NECK!!!
-
-
Re: nice but unwanted suitors
Sun, June 29, 2008 - 9:05 PMyou've got bolts growing out of your neck?!?!
aw, nuts...
how about a screw? -
-
Re: nice but unwanted suitors
Sun, June 29, 2008 - 9:07 PMoh I feel so Wrenched right now, how about I bolt?
heh. -
-
This is the maximum depth. Additional responses will not be threaded.
Re: nice but unwanted suitors
Sun, June 29, 2008 - 9:21 PMyou must think i'm some kind of tool. it's not like i offered to nail you. (don't worry, folks... i'll washer first, then i'll plier with alcohol in a glass of vice...)
hmmm. this would have been best filed... -
-
-
Re: nice but unwanted suitors
Sun, June 29, 2008 - 9:46 PMfolks, this is called a thread hijack, no animals were harmed during the process of the hijacking.
keep hammering away at the point will you? -
-
Re: nice but unwanted suitors
Mon, June 30, 2008 - 9:23 AMya'll know the drill -
-
Re: nice but unwanted suitors
Mon, June 30, 2008 - 9:27 AMThere you go Sparkle, bringing out the power tools. Part of why I love you. -
-
Re: nice but unwanted suitors
Mon, June 30, 2008 - 12:56 PM(just gonna say, i hope you caught your own reference with 'thread' and 'bolt'... i saw it, and i'm no hack...)
in the vein of LC, though: measure once, cut twice... -
-
Re: nice but unwanted suitors
Tue, July 1, 2008 - 6:07 AMGetting back to the topic at hand....You're not attracted to him. Perod. The end. Doesn't matter if he's the nicest guy on earth, you can't force chemistry when there is none. Cut him loose, or tell him you like him as a person but you don't see it going anywhere further. And then you say that there is a man who is less nice, but who you are more into romantically. Perhaps you are in that stage (that I think as women we all go through at one point) where you just want the "bad boy"...it's more exciting, but in the end, it will only end up in pain.
Talking about forcing an issue: I have a friend for 10 years now who is the sweetest, kindest, most wonderful guy. He is rich and he absolutely adores me (and my Mom loves him too). BUT...there is no chemsitry at all. I've tried to date him over the years, I've tried to convince myself that he is everything I wanted in a mate, I've even tried to get a bit tipsy before kissing him...nothing worked. Sometimes, even though it should be...it's not a match. We've gotten over that hurdle, and we remain good friends. -
-
Re: nice but unwanted suitors
Tue, July 1, 2008 - 6:46 AManother vote for being honest and kind.
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
Re: nice but unwanted suitors
Sun, June 29, 2008 - 6:25 PMMy answer still is be honest, don't say gee buddy you are nice but you look like frankenstein, but be kind and direct and tell him that you aren't into him in a romantic way. It is only fair, if you aren't. Because stringing someone along because they are nice isn't fair. Especially if you are honest and tell him there is NO CHANCE romantically but you would be their friend, that would be a good test of whether they really are interested in being your friend. If they were only interested in getting into your knickers they would probably disappear after you were direct with them. Are you afraid you wouldn't have the attention from either of them if you were honest?
Is it about the attention? Having attention can be nice, especially if you had been feeling lonely, but it is always fair to be honest with people. Because if you aren't eventually it will back fire. And since you have Chiron in your 7th house I guess you could say your particular biggest lessons and potental for healing are in the realm of relationships. And being honest is a biggie.
I find that if I am just with someone because they are paying attention to me and I am not that into them, it really is sort of empty. And as I get older I am no longer interested in one sided relationships either on my side or anothers. So I don't waste my time or the other persons. This might possibly be why I am most close to my pets. But that is neither here nor there, I would rather be alone than be unfair to anyone.
-
-
-
-
Re: nice but unwanted suitors
Tue, July 1, 2008 - 11:27 PMyour shallow. admit it, plain and simple embrace it and move on.
-
Re: nice but unwanted suitors
Tue, July 1, 2008 - 11:35 PMstart buying fetish porn that is tailored to the particular oddity at play, or embrace your shallowness and move on. friends is probably out of the question
-
Re: nice but unwanted suitors
Thu, July 3, 2008 - 10:12 PMWhat guilt? You should not feel guilty for not being so into someone that you won't date them. Seriously, if it ain't happening, it shouldn't be happening. -
-
Re: nice but unwanted suitors
Fri, July 4, 2008 - 1:57 PMGuilt?? Guilt runs too deep for this girl
-
-
Re: nice but unwanted suitors
Fri, August 8, 2008 - 11:27 PMI tried to give him the benefit of the doubt, you know.... i didn't want to judge a person by their looks... that's why i still entertained him...
and some of you called it "stringing the person"....
but anyhow... the two ladies are right - there is no chemistry... NO CHEMISTRY... i just got so SURE last week.... so i have decided to just reject him outright....
i had thought that maybe if he could improve his appearance we'll be happy, but no.... i can't even bear to be seen with him in public anymore...
i gave him a chance... i dropped hints... gave lessons.. which he didn't hear... so... whatever now huh
i don't even care anymore if he's a triple-scorpio + taurus asc... no matter if the synastry is perfect... i don't care.
so i've cut off contact with him already... if he persists i won't respond any more...
matty for you to prove that i am more shallow than most people, you will have to say that YES you CAN and WILL definitely date a girl who already has bad genes - AND IN ADDITION doesn't even bother to please look PRESENTABLE.... that you WILL prefer an ugly boring-looking girl to any fun sexy (and not dumb) girl...
well yes i do know that good genes are not necessary... all of my serious crushes aren't drop-dead handsome - in fact my friends often wonder why i would get attracted to them... but to me it's really all about the spirit but of course although they aren't good-looking, they are presentable... at least they make an effort to look pleasant you know?! and at least they are smart enough to know what looks good, what doesn't... etc etc...
... -
-
Re: nice but unwanted suitors
Fri, August 8, 2008 - 11:47 PMUGH!!!
i received a msg tonight...
he's sweet. which is why i entertained him, really.
which is why i complained in the first place
but there's no chemistry so bye bye
for sure
for sure -
-
Re: nice but unwanted suitors
Fri, August 8, 2008 - 11:56 PMHave you tried sitting him down and explicitly saying to him,
"You're very nice, and sweet, however I'm just not interested in seeing you."
-
-
Re: nice but unwanted suitors
Sat, August 9, 2008 - 12:01 AM<<matty for you to prove that i am more shallow than most people, you will have to say that YES you CAN and WILL definitely date a girl who already has bad genes - AND IN ADDITION doesn't even bother to please look PRESENTABLE.... that you WILL prefer an ugly boring-looking girl to any fun sexy (and not dumb) girl... >>
No he doesnt. Thats not what makes you shallow its that you belittle this guy in a public forum in stretch for some kind of sympathy and in the same sentence refer to him as a dear dear friend. Thats what makes shallow. I havent seen matty do any of that. Even if he did it wouldnt substantiate any substantial depth of your charachter it would just make him look equally as shallow
-
-
-
Re: nice but unwanted suitors
Sat, August 9, 2008 - 9:56 AMit isn't his fault he doesn't live up to your "standards" and trying to change someone is never going to work. It is not fair to the other person and ultimately pointless for you. And leading him on as long as you did doesn't seem really fair.
I think before you embark on another relationship you should think about how you would feel, if the shoe were on the other foot. How would you like to be treated? Would you like some guy to lead you on like that? Would you like him to just keep coming around and keep seeing you even though you weren't his type? And as you got more into him, he was just biding his time until something better came along and telling all his friends about how you were not appealing to him. It is disrespectful.
Maybe you just approach things a different way and maybe you judge people a different way than I do, but it does seem like a lot of surface stuff. I have fallen for gorgeous, well dressed guys, nerdy guys, cute guys, and people that others might not go for, I go deeper than the looks and can find something beautiful about anyone. I guess I can draw the line at some hygene things.
The bottom line is that you led him on and that you seem to think it is his fault because he didn't change for you. That is not very nice. And if he is still messaging you he must not like himself enough to just cut you loose. sad. Be direct, tell him you don't want to see him again because you don't feel "that way" about him.
this whole thing just makes me shake my head and be a little embarassed to be a girl. We get hurt so easily anyway by not taking no for an answer let alone having someone lead us on. sigh. -
-
Re: nice but unwanted suitors
Wed, August 20, 2008 - 1:43 PMHey ghost girl, tell me what to wear,,,
really people, it works like this , either you get along or you don't,
either you feel the other thing or you don't,
its like french cafe music, some people like it, some it makes them want to drink more and they still won't like it, personally I like it,
ghost girl wasn't leading him on, he led himself on, I've had quite a lot of women friends where the romance wasn't there, sometimes as in all things, life is always in flux, however, and there have been times when after a few margaritas life was more of a party, and sometimes that vibe still wasn't there, its no big deal
however, in college I knew a woman who when she wanted to dump somebody she simply got him interested in some one else, and said they were talking about him,,
its also worked for me, sometimes I'll set up a woman with another guy, the transition is easier
by the ghost girl, what clothes make a man the man for you :) -
-
Re: nice but unwanted suitors
Wed, August 20, 2008 - 2:00 PMPicture a deli
I think someone has just taken the next number, now serving number 7? number 7? do you want chips with that?
:) You are right about the responsibility of the guy as well. We sometimes lead ourselves right into hurt.
-
Re: nice but unwanted suitors
Fri, August 22, 2008 - 4:59 PMthanks Sol! you got my dilemma.
---
about clothes...
here's a tip from my imaginary father, Anton LaVey...
"Good looks aren't necessary, but LOOKS certainly are."
those who catch my attention and interest very easily tend to be rivetheads, goths, punks.....
anybody who looks weird by mainstream standards...
i like people with a lot of personality... their own style... don't have to be model-hot at all.
however, i've grown up a bit, and now i have respect, and do pay attention and give chances to normal-looking men (who look presentable) - provided that they have a distinct, fun personality....... i mean, really it's all about how we get along, as all of you know....
this guy i was talking about -
i apologize for the back stabbing behavior.... truth is, it reflects how threatened i felt after reading his message - he is very good with words, he made me blush... that's how this post started. he made me blush, and that's why i still gave him a chance... however, last time i went out with him, i cringed most of the time so i'm very sure now that i don't want to be involved with him romantically.
and i told him i would just like to remain friends with him.
i told him instead i'll teach him how to be a Casanova, after he admitted that he wasn't,
(because part of my philosophy is... any lame person who enters my life, must be healed.)
---
Sol, you're fine by me!
I think shaved head is sexy. -
-
Re: nice but unwanted suitors
Fri, August 22, 2008 - 7:04 PMhere's a tip from my imaginary father, Anton LaVey...
"Good looks aren't necessary, but LOOKS certainly are."
***
?? Anton LaVey??
Well that puts this into perspective for me at least. Interesting choice for imaginary father. I guess me pretending James Coburn was my grandpa pales in comparison. heh.
-
Re: nice but unwanted suitors
Sat, August 23, 2008 - 1:34 PMThanks, by the way..I can make you blush,,,
-
-
-
-
