... my love curse, that is. I thought I'd found the most wonderful man. We'd finish eachother's sentences. We had so much in common it was uncanny. He had been after me since we met 3 years ago, when I was in another relationship, and when I was recovering from that but not yet ready. I thought he was the only decent man left on earth, with real values and morals. When he moved in middle July, I was sure we'd be engaged by Christmas.

At a party in October, I found him in the bedroom with the hostess. The sheets were messed up. I turned around to leave, and he didn't run after me. We did end up going home together, and I gave him every chance to explain or make up, but he told me to go out with my other friends. Then he just left for a hotel. I went to see a psychiatrist, because he said what was most lacking in me was I "wasn't happy enough." I was immediately 5150'd. If you don't know what that is, it's the California law that allows one to be invountarily put in the hospital. For suicidal thoughts.

First he came to visit me, and said everything would be alright. The day I was supposed to get out, my doctor handed me a post-it note from my bf which just said "It's over. I'm moving out. As soon as you learn to accept this, you can call." I immediately called him to see if he'd made arrangements for my cats. If you've never been involuntarily hospitalized, you probably don't know how difficult it is just to make a phone call. They take away your cellphone and shoe laces the minute you get in. There are public phones, but they are locked down at night, during meal times, and during "group" times. Which means they are hardly every open. You are only allowed 2 phone calls per 8 hour shift, with a limit of 10 minutes. Somehow in that phone call I convinced him to stay, and to pick me up from the hospital when I was finally released. There were no flowers or warm welcome waiting for me.

I went through a month and a half of a Partial Hospitalization Program, which means 6 hours a day of group therapy and really bad art classes. I did this for him, because I wanted to be the happy person he wanted. He swore he was completely committed to me now, and had severed all ties with the woman I found him with.

Last night I found out that he and she had been carrying on a phone relationship for a month, during and after my hospitalization. We had been going to couples counseling weekly during all this time, and he never thought to bring it up, saying it was "irrelevant."

I have $70,000 worth in hospitalization and therapy fees. The new big bed I bought fo us when he moved in is still not paid off. For all that, I could have had a wedding I never would have dreamed of.

I am cursed beyond belief.